Dear Stop-n-Shop:
It is November 2nd. That’s two days after Halloween, twenty-four days before Thanksgiving and fifty-one days to Christmas. In other words, it’s way too early for me to be seeing Christmas ornaments and snowmen peeps on the shelves (anyone else remember when peeps were a seasonal treat?) The leftover Halloween candy has barely made it to the sale racks, and you’re pushing Christmas knick-knacks already? Have you forgotten that there’s an entire other holiday in between Halloween and Christmas for which you could be selling tacky and unnecessary kitsch?
Also, wherefore your sudden and mysterious aversion to beans? What used to be a plentiful variety and stock of beans – red beans, black beans, kidney beans, great northern beans, garbanzo beans – has shrunk to a paltry and elusive collection. I think I bought the last two cans of black beans in the store.
To say nothing of the butter shortage. I kind of (but not really) understand having a run on butter around Thanksgiving or Christmas what with all of the baking, but Halloween? Who runs out of unsalted butter on November 2nd?
Je vous prie, Monsieur/Madame, d’accepter l’expression de mes sentiments les plus exaspérées.*
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Monday Night Dinner 